Thursday, April 17, 2014

Be your partner’s biggest fan!

Wouldn’t it be nice to know that your partner is your biggest fan? When you accomplish a task, they tell you they’re proud of you. Even if you make a mistake, they tell you it’s okay and believe you can do better.

Even when you don’t feel you’ve done something well, they still express their appreciation for your effort and encourage you to keep up the good work. Wouldn’t all this make you feel good inside?

If it does, then be your partner’s biggest fan. Make them feel special in the way that you would like to feel. If you want your partner to be your biggest fan, be their biggest fan! Do this for each other...and watch what happens to your relationship!

Wednesday, March 19, 2014

How can I stop this stressful, anxious feeling?

Question for Penny: Not sure how to explain this, but I’ve been fighting with this stressful, anxious feeling that seems to come and go. Some of it is work, some family, and some personal stuff. It all adds up and I feel like I'm drowning with swirling thoughts and emotions. How do I stop this struggle inside me?

Answer: I understand this “fight” you’re describing. We’ve all been there and we all still go there from time to time. Some of us just stay there too long not knowing how to snap out of it. I call this internal struggle the “storm within.” I compare it to a storm because a storm can come, but the good news is, it doesn't stay forever. It will always end at some point. So this, too, (your storm within), will eventually pass. 

First, understand this: In order to stop the struggle, you must first choose to stop fighting. Just stop fighting your feelings because what you resist will persist. You can’t avoid having a storm within. It is part of life. And it is what creates “balance” and keeps things “whole.” Let me explain.

Everything that goes up eventually comes down, just as sure as the sun will rise and set. With that, one could also say we understand what “light" is once we learn of “darkness." If it wasn’t for darkness we can't truly appreciate light. So you see? Everything is WHOLE when it has its counterpart. It is all quite enlightening once you grasp the depth of the concept.

In the meantime, know that this “storm within” can help you grow… you WILL find a way to weather the storm (as you’ve always had or you wouldn’t be here). Life doesn’t necessarily get easier, but it does get better. It gets better because you’ve gotten better. And you can only get better when you’re challenged

So stop fighting to end this storm. Fighting this storm within is like fighting against the powerful force of nature. You won’t win. You can’t win. Instead, recognize this storm as it "passes through you" and know that like all storms, it might or might not stay for long, but regardless, it will eventually end.

As you open the door to this awareness, feelings of fear or insecurity may seem more intense. Instead of fighting or resisting uncomfortable feelings, simply just “be” with those feelings. Notice them forming and watch them in a nonjudgmental way. Be an observer, not a victim

Remember: When you try to push away a feeling, it only grows stronger, but when you simply notice and allow it to be, it will soon dissipate. In the beautiful words of Harvard neuroscientist Jill Bolte Taylor, "Just like children, emotions heal when they are heard and validated." 

Friday, February 14, 2014

I am fun. I am successful. I am kind. Why can’t I find the right partner?

Question for Penny: People say I’m a good catch and I would make someone very lucky one day. I cannot disagree that I am a fun, successful, well-rounded individual who is also kind. I’ve had some great relationships, yet I’ve had no success finding the “right" partner. I am ready and open to be in a relationship and truly feel I’m doing all the right things. What am I missing here??

Answer: It’s not difficult to find a partner if being deeply connected and in love is not that important to you, or if being highly compatible with your partner isn’t a huge criteria. But if this is all too important, then you’re not just looking for a partner, you’re looking for the love of your life.

Timing plays a huge part in this. But first, you must understand that timing does not only mean being in the right place at the right time, it also means “you” have to be “ready” — YOU have to be in the "right place” in mind, heart and spirit.

To be ready is not only about being available and open, or telling yourself and others that you’re ready and looking. That’s not enough. If you want to attract the best partner for you, you have to first “be" the type of person you want to meet

This means you would first spend time working on your Self, learn to do the things that make a relationship work; spend time on self-reflection; get clear on what you want; learn as much as you can to improve your Self.

Be open when you’re meeting new people. Don’t be too quick to judge. And when you finally meet that special someone, apply everything you’ve learned, nurture your partner, listen openly, communicate honestly, work things out kindly, speak lovingly, share affectionately.

So if you say you’re “ready”, this means you’ve taken the time to work on your Self — mentally, emotionally, physically, even spiritually — so you’ll not only recognize the love of your life when he or she comes along, but you’ll be “ready” to treat them the way you want to be treated (not only when it’s convenient for you, but also during the most challenging times). 

The most important lesson I've learned in love is that true love between two people can only genuinely exist when we let go of ego — when we choose to be vulnerable with one another. 

When the time is right, meaning, when you’ve done your “homework” on your Self, the best partner for you will come your way. And that partner might just be "The One" you were “growing” for all along.

Happy Valentine's Day, everyone! xo

Monday, January 27, 2014

Your perception can make you, or break you

The way you pay attention to the world can make a huge difference in the way you experience it.

Judgment only limits your perception — therefore, your opportunities. There is no need for judgment if it’s not adding any value other than more pain to your emotions (wasted energy). Instead, recognize the thing or person you want to judge as whether it is something you choose to experience more of, or less of. And take your next steps from this perception.

When you choose to pass judgment, then you have chosen to label something as good, bad, right or wrong.

When you consider something to be “bad” or “wrong”, you more than likely will have strong negative feelings about it. In one way or another, without awareness of your own behavior (out loud or to yourself), you may belittle, talk down, demean, criticize or feel resentment toward the thing or person you are judging. That’s a whole lot of negative emotions coming from you! How does this make you a better person?

Strong negative emotions held for an extended period can only draw more of the same to you. Those negative emotions have a chemical affect in your body — and it's toxic to your spirit. Is it really worth being judgmental?

Perhaps it's healthier and wiser on your part to simply address the matter as an experience in your life you choose to have more of, or less of. Then, take action from there. With that, your action will be a more empowered one.

Saturday, January 4, 2014

Your wellbeing begins with your thoughts..

You have everything it takes to create a life you've been wishing for! Whether it is to do with your health, your relationships, your career, or your overall lifestyle, you CAN change it for the better. 

NOTHING in life is permanent. The only thing permanent is change. This is one of the most exciting "Universal Laws" that life has to offer. This means whatever isn't working in your life can be changed. And whatever is working beautifully in the moment can continue to change and evolve into something even more beautiful.

Let's take the natural intelligence of your body for example: If you pinch and inch around your waist, the fat that you are squeezing is not the same as it was last month. Your adipose tissues (fat cells) fill up with fat and empty out constantly, so that all of it is exchanged every 3 weeks. You acquire a new stomach lining every 5 days. Your skin is new every 5 weeks. 

Your skeleton, seemingly so solid and rigid, is entirely new every 3 months. Every year, 98% of the total number of atoms in your body are replaced. 

So my question to you is: What makes you think you cannot heal yourself of discomfort or dis-ease? What makes you think you can't change the way you think and take care of yourself so that you don't keep contaminating your "new" parts with the "old" parts?

As human beings with conscious awareness, we're the only creatures on the planet that can change our biology through our thoughts, feelings and intentions. Our cells are constantly eavesdropping on our thoughts and being changed by them. The slightest shift of mood is picked up by every cell, which means that we do not think with our brain alone; all 50 trillion cells actively share our thoughts.

More and more, we begin to understand that thoughts turn into matter. What we think catalyzes a change in our bodies. When we're anxious, depress, frightened about the future or worried about the pass, we send our body messages that cause it to transform in an instant to help us react to the threat that faces us, even when no real threat exists. 

However, if we face each moment with present moment awareness, enthusiasm, passion for life, optimism and then openness to all life's suprises, then we send ourselves a completely different positive message.

Because we posses this sub-conscious ability to heal or create toxiciy in our bodies through thought, our work is to mentally go with the flow, creating positive thought patterns that support our optimal health and wellbeing.

Start your new year right! Whatever it is that you believe is not possible for you, change it now. Change that thought. Now that you have new information that your body is constantly changing to renew itself for your best interest, it is your chance to make new decisions for this new year. 

Change your thoughts right now, and you can change your life.

From my beautiful family to yours, have a happy new year filled with health, success and joy!

Thursday, September 19, 2013

What can you do "right now" to feel more empowered?

Question for Penny: I feel really down and out. I feel like I can do many things better but I don't even know how or where to begin. What is the first step I can take "right now" to start feeling more empowered? 

What you can do right now is to learn to FORGIVE yourself. Just know that all you can do is your best. And your best will be different all the time. Your best will be different when you're happy as oppose to when you're sad or angry. And THAT IS OKAY. There's nothing wrong with that. It is only your ego that wants to label things "wrong." So you beat yourself up as a result. How do you break this unrewarding, habitual way of being?

First, try to delve deeper and see past the ego. In this way you can get in touch with your higher self — the wiser self who knows better. This wiser self in you KNOWS you can only do your best based on your circumstances in each moment. And each moment is never the same so you can't always be exactly the same either. You have to flow with the situation. In other words, you have to flow with life. ACCEPT your best as it is in each moment. FORGIVE YOURSELF. When you forgive yourself, you stop fighting yourself. 

When you stop fighting yourself, there's no longer a fight to tend to. Without the fight, you will have more energy to see clearly and move forward in a more empowering direction. I challenge you to try it. Try it for at least one full day. Just do your best, and no matter what happens, FORGIVE yourself without judgment. See what happens...

Thursday, August 29, 2013

Are you easily annoyed by inconsiderate people?

Question for Penny: I find myself easily irritated by people who are disrespectful or inconsiderate. I get so annoyed that I find myself talking behind their backs. I know it's such a waste of time...but what can I do to let it go?

Answer: You are right! It is a waste of time, indeed. Cultivate your own garden and let go of your tendency to examine and judge how others cultivate theirs. Catch yourself in moments of gossip about how others ought to be living and rid yourself of thoughts about how they should be doing it this way, or how they have no right to live and think as they do. Instead, put your attention on your own life and how to improve it. 

Catch yourself when you are engaged in the habit of talking about others — about how they are wrong and you are right. Catch yourself and stop instantly. Just stop. Remember: the person making the time to judge others or gossip behind their backs is no better than the people they are actually talking about. 

Spend your energy wisely and stay busy and involved in your own projects and pursuits. If you're so busy tending to someone else's business, you're certainly in that moment taking attention away from tending to your own business.

You energize the very thing you focus your energy and attention on, so why not focus your energy and attention on how you can do better rather than on how the other person should be doing "right" in your mind?  

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Are you completely "present" in each moment?

Sometimes while you’re home, your thoughts are still absorbed with solving the challenges at work. And when you’re at work, you find yourself worrying about problems at home. You may even go through the day without really listening to what others are saying to you. You may be hearing the words, but you’re not listening to the message.

You’re here, but you’re not fully present. You find yourself involved in yesterday and tomorrow, and never even notice that today is slipping by. You could end up going through the day rather than getting something from the day.

It’s important that you take the time to observe what is happening around you. Be alert. Be awake. Let life and all of its subtle messages touch you. Often, the most extraordinary opportunities are hidden among the seemingly insignificant events of life. If you’re not fully present—living the moment—how can you truly appreciate what’s in front of you, let alone give it your best?

Be in the moment as you deal with what’s in front of you at that given moment; break things down into
bite size pieces so they’re easier to manage. This way, you can accomplish many tasks well throughout the day, rather than stress out trying to accomplish one big unforgiving task only to achieve mediocre results.

Just for fun, let’s look at our lives as precious paintings. If this is the case, then what you paint and how you choose to paint, makes a difference to the overall picture of your life. Living your life being in the moment, making conscious decisions, can help you paint a better picture. So let’s take a closer look at what this could mean…

Let’s say you want to paint a picture of your life to include: a sun, mountains, lush green grass and a glistening sea of water. Being in the moment would mean paying attention to each element and doing your best to paint them well.

However, not being in the moment could mean missing crucial details that affect the overall look of your painting. Maybe you don’t pay attention to the sun; perhaps you even forget to paint the sun. Without the sun, would it still make sense for the water to glisten? Suddenly, your painting draws a different picture—one that isn’t as alive as you first intended.

Every element in your painting can change the look of your picture, just as every moment you live can shape your life. So do you want to let things happen to you? Or do you want to make things happen for you? The choice is always yours to make. And so it’s important that you’re fully present and always aware as you paint the grand picture of your life. Hold your brush firmly and paint all your moments well!

Thursday, July 11, 2013

What it means to "truly love" one another

I've come to learn that no matter what kind of relationship you're in, a relationship is a place you go to give. It's not a place where you go to "deserve", or "owe"; the latter notions mentioned are based on fear (driven by your ego mind), and not based on love (which is driven by your heart—your spirit). 

If two people are in a relationship to give to one another, they would then have balanced each other's needs and wants, and given just a little more weight to one another's happiness.

In a true partnership, the kind worth striving for, the kind worth insisting on, and even, frankly, worth divorcing over, both people try to give as much, or even a little more than they get. "Deserves" is not the point. "Fair" is not the point. And "owes" is certainly not the point.

The point is to make the other person as happy as we can because their happiness adds to ours. The point is, in the right hands, everything that you give, you get. If both partners are in it to give to the other, then somehow life's inevitable challenges can become a much smoother, healthier, happier ride.

As we go into the weekend, let's be reminded to not only "give" during "special occasions", but to give all year... everyday. It doesn't have to be materialistic. A priceless gift of acknowledgment, understanding, compassion, even a smile, a hug... doesn't matter what it is or how you do it just as long as your intentions are truly to make the other person's day a little brighter without expecting anything in return. 

This unconditional way of being is the thing that makes you rich! Makes you and others feel alive, nurtured and empowered like nothing else in this world can.