You finally found the right person, but why are you still afraid to commit?

So you yearn to find the love of your life and now that you’ve finally found him/her, you still manage to find excuses for why he/she might not be the one. Maybe you do recognize that they are the right person, but subconsciously you choose not to see it because you’re so afraid you might get hurt or be disappointed. So you feel the need to keep your guard up and not fully commit.

Sorry to say, love doesn’t work with guards. Any relationship worth having can only work best when you love fully. To feel that special bond with someone, you must take that risk to love completely without your guard up. Isn’t it better to love and be loved than to never have loved at all?

Maybe deep down you know this is a good person for you, but somehow you just can’t seem to take the next step to fully commit to this person — even when you say you’re ready to be in a real relationship. Why do you think that is?

Here it is – I’ll just give it to you straight up! I know that most people who are interested in you – that you’re not interested in ¬– won’t want to tick you off by telling you that you may have deep-rooted personal relationship issues you need to deal with. Why would they? They’re too busy doing and saying things to get you to like them.

But the person that you want to be with, or is good for you, will tell you like it is because they care about you, and want the best for the relationship you share. So they tell you the truth.

And the truth can sometimes reveal flaws in your character or behavior, and so you get angry, then perhaps you see them as “the bad guy.” You may even run from them to go back into the arms of all the wrong people. And then you say: How come I’m getting older and I still can’t find the love of my life?

So maybe I’m speaking out for the people who want to tell you the truth when I say: You may have deep-rooted relationship issues you need to deal with before you can achieve true love.

I know what I’m sharing here, most people (especially those who are more insecure) are going to hate hearing because it could shine light on their flaws. If this is you, don’t worry, you’re not alone – we all have flaws! The only difference is some of us choose to recognize them so we can work on bettering ourselves. And if you’re one of those who choose not to recognize your flaws, you lose out on working on you.

You may be a great person, but great people can also have deep-rooted relationship issues. This is why you may be likable, and can be a great friend, but you’re just not up to par when it comes to being in a relationship.

And if you choose to believe you don’t have issues and everything about you is perfect, then you’ll never find the long-term love you say you’re ready for. I've learned that you can’t fix what you don't want to acknowledge or are in denial about. You cannot fix what you don’t recognize. So with this, you’ll never improve, and every relationship for you will end up in the same place — nowhere.

If you want things to change for you, you have to change! Change has to begin with you. Not the other way around.

Maybe how you behave in relationships is working for you and fulfills you. And if that’s the case, then keep doing what you’ve been doing. But if it isn’t working, then really think about what you’re feeling inside that’s stopping you from giving yourself the true pleasure of a committed loving relationship. Recognize what your deep-rooted relationship issues are and how you can overcome them.

These deep-rooted issues can stem from many things. Maybe your parents went through a divorce, or weren’t faithful to each other. Or maybe you experienced pain and mistakes in the past that somehow still live deep inside you. Why let experiences in the past rob you of a good thing today? If you don’t face these issues and work them out, you won’t be any good to any relationship worth having. You may be good for the short term, but not for the long.

You may even have the most perfect person in front of you right now, and you wouldn’t even recognize it, let alone appreciate and love them completely. In fact, you could subliminally do or say things – whether in front of them or behind their back – that can sabotage what you have with them. This could be anything from flirting with intentions to simply browsing the Internet dating sites on the look out for potentials. Why do this to the relationship? Either you're in or you're out. What would you do if the roles were reversed? How would you feel? If your partner is giving you their all, don't you think you should do the same?

And if you’re still feeling the grass could be greener on the other side, then be respectful to the one you love and let them go. Then, you can go and find out for yourself if in fact the grass is greener on the other side. If so, great!

If not, and you want to come back to your love – if you’re so lucky as to get a second chance – this time make sure you appreciate and respect your love, and take the initiative to do the things your relationship deserves in order to flourish to the next level. Saying this, however, don’t just rely on second chances. Sadly, not all relationships get a second chance.

You deserve to find true happiness just as much as the person you love. Don’t you think it’s worth swallowing your pride for a moment, and digging deep within yourself, so you can recognize what you need to work on? So you could do better for you? And the relationship you wish to have?

All relationships will have ups and downs and moments where you have to have some serious discussions you don’t like having. But if every time this comes up, you just yell, run away or end the discussion without letting the other person speak, you’re not giving your relationship a chance to flourish. You’re not tending to your relationship in a mature way, therefore, you stunt the growth of what could be a special bond between two people. This kind of behavior leaves no room for a healthy, happy relationship.

It doesn’t matter how much you hate the subject – because it shines too much light on your flaws or because it’s not going your way – no real, mature loving relationship can exist when you don't learn to communicate considerately. The person who loves you deserves the truth, your time and respect to communicate with them kindly. Help them understand you better, and allow them to speak so you can understand them better. This is how you nurture a relationship.

There are many beautiful people in this world to enjoy, but having major chemistry with someone, connecting at a deeper level – mind, soul and body – is very rare and precious.

If you have this with someone, recognize it, appreciate it, move forward with it. Make plans to grow your relationship, don’t keep it stagnant and let it go stale. Don’t wait till it’s too late. Even the kindest, most patient and forgiving person won’t hang around forever to wait for you to recognize and correct your deep-rooted issues.

If you don’t wake up, and make things happen, and you lose this person, it’ll be more painful than if you were to just take a chance on love and commit to them in the first place. Sadly, you may not know you have a good thing until it’s gone.

Maybe you can quickly replace them with beautiful people so you don’t feel the pain. You may even do a great job at ignoring that pain by enjoying the company of friends, or jumping into another relationship. But the bond may never feel the same as the one you had. Then guilt and regret take over. And you’re back where you started asking: Why have I not found the love of my life?

So if you have someone in your life you truly love, take the time to really understand what I’ve just shared here. Read it over if you have to. Take the time to do some soul searching and make things right for you and the person you love.