Proven secrets for creating great relationships (Part 2 of 5)

I hope you enjoyed the last post – Lesson 1 of the mini course offered by Relationship Coaches and Authors, Susie and Otto Collins. Here they share with us Lesson 2: Proven secrets for creating great relationships.

Lesson 2
One of the things the majority of people find the most challenging about creating a great relationship is...

Not being truthful about sharing their feelings and what is important to them.

What we've discovered from hearing thousands of coaching clients' stories and working through our own issues is that if people aren't truthful, resentments build and the anger, hurt, disappointment only comes out later in uglier ways.

Whenever you find that you are feeling something that you haven't expressed, communicate these things as soon as and as lovingly as you can. So often people allow small issues to grow into mountains that end up coming between them. We suggest that you take care of those issues when they come up and don't allow them to grow.

Here are some ideas for you to consider to help you do that:

1. Take a moment to find out what you are feeling and what you want. Find a way to quiet yourself, even if you have to go to the bathroom to do it. Breathe deeply and find that voice inside yourself that is telling you how you are feeling.

2. Ask your partner if you can have a few moments of uninterrupted time to talk together about an issue. Ask if your partner is willing to just listen while you talk and tell your partner that you agree to listen while he/she talks. If you both feel safe to talk without being interrupted, then you will be able to truly hear one another.

3. Say what you want in a way that it can be heard. Always approach a conversation with how you are feeling because of the issue. If you start making your partner wrong and accusing him/her, the only thing you'll accomplish is that one or both of you will either withdraw and shut down or lash out in anger.

4. Listen and honor who your partner is and what he/she wants. You may not agree with what your partner says but in order to build the trust that you want, to feel free to say what you need, you also have to listen with an open heart to him/her without getting defensive.

5. Stay open and find ways that work for both of you. We've found that when you begin to understand one another by speaking your truth and listening to each other, the two of you begin to open the door for possibilities and much more love. There's a "softer" feeling between the two of you and solutions to conflicts seem to come more easily.

Staying open means not judging the other person and reminding yourself how you love the other person even if in the moment you are irritated or disappointed in him/her. Staying open when there's conflict is probably the toughest thing you have to learn to do. Even if you take "baby steps" in doing it, you'll see how your relationship can grow.

These ideas have created miracles in our relationship and we hope they will in yours also.

Look for Lesson #3 on my next post.