What is chemistry? You’ll be surprised – it’s not what you think!

Chemistry plays a big part in how a relationship develops. Though having chemistry with someone can be great in many aspects, without understanding that it can work in the positive as well as the negative, you can’t fully grasp that it can also be the very reason you end up in unhealthy relationships.

For some people who love the idea of being in love, with chemistry involved, they can sometimes fall for the wrong partner and still think they’re in love with this partner, but really, they’re not – they’re in love with the idea of what this person could be. They build up and fall in love with an image of their own creation versus the actual partner they’re with.

This is one of the reasons why some people stay in unhealthy relationships or relationships that seem to be going nowhere. Because they feel there’s chemistry, they want so much to be in love to a point that they allow the desire to blur their vision from what is really going on.

They see glimpses of “what could be” with the partner. Even when the partner is not treating them fairly or in a way they choose to be treated, they would say: “But she can be really caring and supportive ‘sometimes.’” Or, “He can be really understanding and nurturing ‘sometimes.’”

Now, if your vision weren’t so blurred, I bet you would see that you deserve better than the “sometimes” your partner offers you. You would realize you’re not in love with your partner for the way things are, but more, how things could be. And you’re hoping someday soon those good things that happen “sometimes” could turn into “all the time.”

Let’s face it, it’s good to see the positive qualities in others, but it’s not so good if it’s at the expense of what you truly want or deserve in a relationship. Maybe you can trick yourself into thinking everything is okay when it’s not, but you can’t fool love.

Eventually the truth will set in at some point. When that happens, and you realize your partner is not who you thought they were, you feel hurt, you’re sad, perhaps even angry and resentful.

Can you see now how chemistry can work for you in the positive as well as in the negative? Now you know: Don’t let the chemistry you feel with someone fool you or distract you from your better judgement or take you away from what you truly want.

So… what is chemistry? Here’s what America’s leading dating and relationship expert, Evan Marc Katz has to say: “It’s an illusion, a projection, and a fantasy. It’s not that the feeling isn’t real or amazing; it’s that it’s so powerful as to blind you to reality.

Chemistry is what allows women to put up with abusive, non-committal men, and what allows men to put up with selfish, high-maintenance women. It allows people in their minds to fall for an image of their own creation – of what could be, and it’s not necessarily to be with the person they’re with. It is an idea of what that person could be.

You can’t help it when someone feels chemistry for you (and I would add, ‘or vise versa’). All you can do is try to manage it realistically.”