Is it our responsibility to “save” others if they ask for our help?

I’ve come to learn (the hard way) that when a person asks you to help or guide them in their life, you have a choice in whether to help or not. The responsibility part comes after you make that choice. And if you should decide to take on that responsibility, you must know when to say when. Let me explain this metaphorically.

In order to help them, if what you need them to see is on page 9 of a book, but they insist on looking at page 17, then you do not have much to offer them. You’re not on the same page. In other words, if they’re not somewhere within your page vicinity, they cannot hear you. They may try. You could force. But that would be like fitting a square peg in a round hole.

You see, a person may want your help, and may even ask for it, but this doesn’t necessarily mean that they’ll be ready to follow through when the time comes for them to do so. And when this happens, it is not your responsibility to force them to be ready. A person cannot be forced to be ready.

You – as a friend, a partner, a teacher, or even a healer – are only as effective as your ability to understand what page the person you’re wanting to help is on. So it is your responsibility then to adjust to different books and pages, without losing your own sense of balance. Meaning, find a way to help them without stressing yourself out.

The greatest value that you could offer to a person if you should decide to help them, is to help them when you, yourself, are in a healthy state of mind. When you’re in a good place, you’ll know when to help and when to step aside. You’ll know when someone is not ready to change (even when they try to convince you that they are).

Guide from a place of love. When you do this, you will have patience. You will understand that you cannot force the sun to come out at night anymore than you can force the sunflower to bloom in the winter. And so it is just as well that you will not want to force a person to change when they’re not ready. Instead, you will allow change itself to be the force that will help that person come around.

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