A letter to Penny:
Dear Penny,
My wife has always been concerned with her appearance and it has gotten much, much worse as of late. After our first child, she was able to lose her "baby fat" before she became pregnant with our 2nd child a little less than 2 years later. However, our younger child is now a little over 3 now and she hasn't been able to lose it this time.
I love her just the way she is and I don't care whether she weighs 100 lbs or 300 lbs, but she has become so preoccupied with this that it is actually starting to cause me to wondering if I can live the rest of my life with someone that has become so over-compulsive about her appearance.
Originally it was just the weight, but now it has spilled over to she swears something is wrong with her because she has been busting her butt exercising and watching her diet and the scale hasn't budged. She has seen her doctor and he has ruled out medical causes (such as thyroid).
She just went and spent nearly $200 seeing a holistic person that used electrical waves to detect possible problems and she basically told my wife that almost all of her internal workings were out of whack (lymph system, etc.) and now she has gone overboard constantly worrying that there is something internally wrong to go along the external "difficulties" she is having with her appearance.
I am at a complete and total loss as to what to do at this point because I want to be supportive of her efforts to better herself but not at the cost of damaging our relationship and her relationship with the kids. The kids and I really don't get much in the way of "quality" time even when she is around because she is always researching this, that or the other that is associated with her concerns about her health, appearance and well-being.
She just went and spent nearly $200 seeing a holistic person that used electrical waves to detect possible problems and she basically told my wife that almost all of her internal workings were out of whack (lymph system, etc.) and now she has gone overboard constantly worrying that there is something internally wrong to go along the external "difficulties" she is having with her appearance.
I am at a complete and total loss as to what to do at this point because I want to be supportive of her efforts to better herself but not at the cost of damaging our relationship and her relationship with the kids. The kids and I really don't get much in the way of "quality" time even when she is around because she is always researching this, that or the other that is associated with her concerns about her health, appearance and well-being.
The kids usually only get about 15 minutes of quality time with her per weekday (most of the time I get none). During the course of her increased workout times and research, I've picked up the slack around the house with the chores and done basically everything to ensure the kids are fed, bathed and ta
ken care of.But I feel like I am at my wits end...I just want to look at her and say "look, you're getting older and this stuff happens so quit wasting so much time worrying about it", but I know if I do say that, she'll just say that I don't understand her "problems" and she'll guilt me into backing down (I've made a few subtle comments/suggestions/etc and have nearly gotten my head completely bitten off).
I just don't know if I can deal with essentially raising 2 kids on my own, maintaining a house and dealing with a wife having what I would call a "serious" mid-life crisis much longer without going crazy. Do you have any advice or suggestions as to how to deal with this?
Sincerely,
In Desperate Need of Help
Penny's advice:
Thank you for taking the time to share your story. I sympathize with everything you're saying. First off, give yourself credit for trying to be supportive and taking on more responsibility as father and husband. Just the fact that you love your wife regardless of her weight makes you a gem of a man!
Thank you for taking the time to share your story. I sympathize with everything you're saying. First off, give yourself credit for trying to be supportive and taking on more responsibility as father and husband. Just the fact that you love your wife regardless of her weight makes you a gem of a man!
Challenges in relationships present an opportunity for the both of you to learn even more about each other, grow closer and love each other in ways you never even thought you could. I know it's hard to believe this right now… but it will all work out. Let's take a few steps back, and move forward from there, one step at a time.
For most women, it's hard for them to think a man would love them or still find them attractive if they've gained the weight they never had when you first met. So with this thought, their insecurities can grow more even when you reassure your love with kind words. Sometimes even your loving efforts can get lost in their fog of despair.
And with growing insecurities, everything else follows – stress, which makes the body even more acidic, which in turn causes health issues in the body, to difficulty losing weight. So I'm sure you can see the snowball effect. Change in hormones after giving birth doesn't help either as this affects every woman differently.
All this causes a person to be distracted and unhappy inside. This is why she is fighting so hard to find her own sense of balance – a sense of happiness from within. If a person is not happy with themselves, it is very difficult for others to make them happy. You cannot make her happy if she cannot first find it in herself to be happy.
So giving in to her ways, or trying to put up with things, or trying to make her happy at the expense of your own well-being may not be as effective as consciously participating in the
situation in a way that can guide her to find happiness from within. So this means your part in all this is to lead her by your own example. This means, you have to be a good example...
As you experienced first hand, kind words and considerate comments and suggestions are great to some extent, but they don't always work – especially if the other person is on a different page. So what is going to be really powerful is what you "do" about the situation. Action with a driven purpose is what's going to cause shifts that can turn your relationship around. So you're going to take control of the situation and make some changes to educate yourself and guide her. And know that you're not just doing this for her, you're doing this for you and your children, too.
As you experienced first hand, kind words and considerate comments and suggestions are great to some extent, but they don't always work – especially if the other person is on a different page. So what is going to be really powerful is what you "do" about the situation. Action with a driven purpose is what's going to cause shifts that can turn your relationship around. So you're going to take control of the situation and make some changes to educate yourself and guide her. And know that you're not just doing this for her, you're doing this for you and your children, too.
So let's get started: First, keep in mind that you do not need to do everything I suggest here. You can improvise accordingly. Do what feels right for you and leave out what doesn't. I am simply presenting an idea to guide you in a healthy direction.
Pick a good time to have a heart-to-heart talk with her. Ask her in advance if you could share something special with her maybe over a quiet dinner or lunch or just in the backyard patio – (somewhere where the two of you can have your own time for a moment), and make it special in your own way.
Remember to always speak from a place of love - so tell her you have something special to share with her from your heart. Just be sincere and speak kindly. When you do this, you will emit a positive energy and you won't sound intimidating to an already-sensitive wife. This will help her let her guard down and be open to what you have to say.
Don't make this a talk about finding fault and don't make it a talk about her "problem." This talk is all about your love for her and on finding the solution to what has been going on, together. This talk has to be about affirming the love and connection that the both of you used to share but for some reason have forgotten to express. This talk is meant to heal some wounds and agree to a fresh start of making positive changes "together."
Most relationships could use this kind of healing talk (not just yours – so you're not alone). The talk can go something like this...
"Sarah, maybe I have not made it totally clear to you lately how much I love you, or even how beautiful I think you are. Maybe I don't say or show you this enough, so I want to change that. I want us to help each other be the way we were to each other. I miss you, I miss how we used to be.
Lately, it seems you've been preoccupied with your appearance. And I understand that you're feeling sad about it. Even though I love you and find you attractive just the way you are, it seems that it isn't enough. You are still sad. I feel that I tried in many ways to show my support but nothing is working. If I’m not understanding something here, I want to start understanding.
You're not alone in this. We’re a team, remember? Let's see what we can do "together." I miss our quality time together. The kids miss you, too. We just want the special woman in our lives back. Let's work together and come up with a plan, what do you say?"
And of course, you can flow with this conversation where it takes you But the idea here is to work "together" and be a part of each other's lives. She's trying to lose weight and feel better, right? Well, this is her chance to have better health — and guess what... we could all use better health, couldn't we? Yes, this means you, too! And your kids, too.
Make this fun and do it together. Hopefully, I can get you started on the right track by sharing some vital information on health that you can share with your wife so she sees that you clearly went out of your way to look into things to support her goal to feel better about herself. With your help, perhaps she won't be spending so much time researching. So here's something that you should know that could help:
When a body is too acidic, it will have trouble losing weight no matter how much you exercise or eat right. An overly acidic body also cannot absorb nutrients properly and it will also become an environment for illness and dis-eases to occur in the long term.
A body needs to be brought toward an alkaline state before it can flow smoothly again. Don't worry, there are tons of literature and studies on this and you can show your wife to this information – (I will guide you here in a second).
Meanwhile, understand that we are all quite acidic because of the food and water we consume, the pollution in the air, and the list goes on. It is when we're too acidic that is when the problem grows. The negative thoughts are very, very acidic. So her feeling down, plus you feeling down, all creates more acid in the body and makes matters worst. Don’t worry, there are many things we can do to alkalize.
When you shared with me that she went to see a holistic person who used electrical waves to detect possible problems and it read that your wife's internal workings were as you said, out of whack, this is important information. I’m familiar with energy medicine.
You see, we’re all made of energy – it's basic chemistry. So the machine you're referring to could be an EPFX-SCIO or a SQUID (and there are many others). They are all made to detect a person's "energy body.” Any physical problems in a person's "physical body” will occur first in the "energy body."
That is why the machine detected that your wife's energy is imbalance, meanwhile, the doctors cannot yet detect anything wrong because, like I said, it happens in the energy body first and slowly in time it will work its way to the physical body as some form of discomfort. So it's good to know what you know now because everything can be avoided.
The most important thing is to be alkalize, to bring balance back to the body so it can function properly. And you two can do this together!
I wrote an article about alkalizing not too long ago. I hope it could be of some help to you and your wife. I attached the link here below. Also, watch the YouTube video at the end of the article. It's the CNN news featuring Dr. Young. What he shares will also be of great interest to you and your wife.
After you take these first steps with your wife, let me know how it goes and I can share more, accordingly. Meanwhile, enjoy the article:
Alkalize: This can make a huge difference to your life!
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ng with that man at the party.”