What can you do if you’re “stuck” in an unhealthy relationship?

Time and time again, I hear from readers who stay in unhealthy relationships for all the saddest reasons. And even though they’re aware of this rut they’re in, they have a tough time with ending the relationship and moving on. So in light of this dilemma, I want to share the following article.

Are you in an unhealthy relationship because you’re feeling too guilty to leave? Maybe you made some mistakes and feel the need to make up for it by staying. Maybe you discovered that you and your partner are just not compatible anymore but you’ve invested too much time to just walk away from it now.

First off, a mistake is only a mistake if you haven’t yet learned from it. If you feel you’ve learned from your mistakes and have done everything you can possibly do to make your relationship work and yet it hasn’t worked, then perhaps it’s time to check in with your Self again.

If for whatever reason you feel that leaving is not an option at this time, then let’s look at what you can do to make the best of the situation so things can begin to slowly shift toward a positive direction.

Also, keep in mind that a shift will either bring you both closer together, or it will give you the push you need to move on once and for all. Are you ready to make this shift no matter what the outcome? If you are, read on.

So let’s say you stay in this unhealthy relationship for the time being. It will be inevitable that you feel resentment. After all, this choice you’re making is causing an imbalance in your life and your body will feel all sorts of negative feelings to warn you, to guide you, to protect you. So these negative feelings are normal if you choose to stay.

So first things first: It is not your job to diagnose your partner. There’s no point finding fault or putting blame. Bottom line, if you want things to shift toward a positive direction, you have to adopt a “higher level attitude” and learn to let go of whatever it is that you’ve been doing simply because it has not been working.

Instead, adopt a gracious attitude and know that it’s nobody’s fault. You and your partner are just not compatible in this moment in time, period – nothing more, nothing less.

It is not your job to try and fix them, unless you want to make it your job. If that were the case, just keep in mind that if you’re trying to pull a weight much heavier than you can handle, they could pull you down with them.

So for whatever reasons of your own, if you choose to remain with someone whose behavior continues to displease you, then you need to find a way to protect yourself from being sucked into their negative pattern – a pattern of behavior that can bring out the worse in you.

You cannot control how other people choose to be, but the one thing you can control is how you, yourself, choose to be. How you act can alter other people's behavior. So how have you been acting?

You have to change the way you act if you want a different result. If you keep dealing with things the same way, you'll be getting the same results.

Earlier I mentioned adopting a “higher level attitude” and learning to let go. What this means is in order for anything to shift toward a positive direction for you, you must adopt a behavior that serves a higher purpose – a bigger picture.

There are many ways to do this, and just to give you some ideas, here is an example you could adopt: From today onwards, you make a conscious effort that every thought you have, every word you utter and every deed you perform is done with deliberate intent to bring some benefit to anyone who comes in contact with you.

If you adopt this attitude, everything about the way you handle things will begin to shift.

Everything you do will come from a stronger, more stable place. This will truly empower you, and your life will slowly shift toward a more positive direction regardless of your partner’s behavior.

By adopting this attitude, instead of getting drawn into melodrama, you will just want to let it go. And I mean really let it go. You won’t want to do or say anything simply to “react,” instead, you will want to “respond” with deliberate intent for positive change.

Practice not joining your partner when he or she does anything that displeases you. Not joining means not reacting or being any part of it to add more fuel to the fire – not getting angry, not answering back or showing a bad attitude about it.

Contributing your energy to continue in any negative manner is like you choosing to join in on the drama. So if you don't want the drama, you must LET IT GO when it happens. You have to NOT JOIN in.

Instead, calmly observe every detail in front of you, feel it completely without judgement, listen closely, and if you feel the urge to attack or defend, before you do so, remember the “higher level attitude” you’ve adopted – remember your intent to bring benefit into any situation with every move you make.

Remember all of this before you respond and it will alter your state. And it is in this altered state that your respond to your partner will be a very different one from what they’re used to getting from you. You may even be pleasantly surprised at your own tactful respond.

Holding this kind of higher awareness during any event will allow you to feel a very powerful sea of calm and strength within you – the kind that will allow you to first let your partner finish what he or she is displaying before you proceed with saying how you feel about things and what you wish to have happened instead.

Also, it is very important that this “matter of fact” point that you make to your partner be delivered from a neutral place within you.

Once you've spoken, just walk away and do not participate in it anymore. Let your partner go on as long as he or she wants. But you need only tell your truth nicely, and you're done, just walk away. And again, remember, your truth has to, like I said, come from a neutral place within you.

This means stick to the facts and keep your cool. You can't say things to be manipulative or condescending or you would be defeating the whole purpose of not participating in the drama that you do not appreciate.

And you have to be patient and do this consistently every time. If you do this consistently and frequently, slowly things will begin to shift. Your partner will subliminally associate their ways to getting no “reaction” whatsoever, and their negative behavior will eventually diminish in intensity.

It will diminish in intensity because there's no fuel for it to feed on. Nothing can survive for long without the very thing that keeps it alive. In this case the thing that has kept it alive has been your constant reaction to it.

Even when you "purposely ignore" your partner, you’re still participating. You’re still trying to show them your anger, you're still trying to proof your point, therefore, you’re still participating in this very thing that upsets you, hence, you add more fuel to the drama. To stop the drama, you have to take yourself out of it.

If you choose this “higher thinking” approach I suggested here, you will both either learn to appreciate one another and agree to work on growing together, or, grow further apart and go your separate ways.

Remember, it takes two to keep this game going, this fire burning. So if only one of you were to stop playing, the game cannot go on, there would be no fuel to feed the fire, and the fire will eventually die.

With this, you could either come together to work on a fresh start, or you could discover you’re much better off walking away for good. In either case, you would still come out a winner for you would find love again with the right partner. And furthermore, you would have become a better person from having been through pain with utmost integrity and grace.