Words are just words until you define them: So who’s been defining the words you use?

Think of certain words (or phrases) that affect the way you live your life, words in which their definition have been instilled in your mind in a way that you feel there’s no other way to define them other than what’s been taught to you. Words such as think positive, fall in love, God, spirituality, work hard, let go, get real and so on. What do these words really mean?

If you were to ask around, you can be sure to get many different interpretations or definition for each of these words. Who’s right? Who’s wrong? Don’t be so sure that you’re right and anyone who doesn’t agree with you is wrong.

Each person may define certain words a little differently based on their upbringing, and life experiences. Sometimes the meaning of a word that you’ve adopted can actually trigger a strong negative reaction or add more stress to your life. If this is the case, perhaps you could redefine those words in a way that brings more pleasure to you than pain.

When it comes to the “true” definition of certain words, you may be surprised to learn that there are many “truths” out there. And it’s not for you to judge them right or wrong but simply for you to look at all the options and choose the one that works best for you.

Just understand that there isn’t one way of doing anything as surely as there isn’t one way to define a certain word. What works best for you might not necessarily work best for another – and that’s okay. This doesn’t make anything or anyone right or wrong.

Life is full of opposites to offer you balance and give you an array of options to choose from. So if there are words you’ve been using in which their definition have not served you well, perhaps it’s time for you to redefine those words according to your taste.

Think about words for a moment… words are really nothing more than just words until you apply a definition to them. Once defined, that word (its definition) can encourage either more joy or more pain. Sometimes if you don’t define certain words according to your ideal, you will end up conforming to other people’s definition, which may not necessarily be in your best interest.

When you truly understand the power of words, you will recognize that even the most simple definition can cause peace or war.

Let’s take the word “God” for example. Even though this word revolves around a similar theme for most, due to the many different cultures, religions, and spiritual believers, this word can mean different things to different people all around the world.

This word and its many different definitions has led to everything from love to hate, from peace to destruction, war and killing of innocent people. Again, maybe it shouldn’t be a question of who’s right or wrong. Choosing who’s “right” and “wrong” is like taking sides. Taking sides would just cause more divide between humankind and cause more harm, don’t you think?

Maybe the real question should be: Which definition creates more peace in this world? Shouldn’t the definition that we choose to adopt be one that inspires unity?

What if we start defining certain words in a way so that they don’t cause a divide between humankind, but instead, inspire humankind to come together?

For instance, if a person claims to be a son or daughter of God, depending on your definition of God, this could either make you angry, or it could make you feel peace.

This state of anger or peace is the point I’m trying to make about the power of a word. The definition you choose to adopt is the very thing that will cause either more harm in your life, or more healing.

Let’s entertain this idea for a moment: what if your definition of God was defined as “the divine source of goodness and balance of life that surrounds us”?

Or what if you adopted a meaning that suggests God may not be one gigantic person that hovers over us as He/She rules the world, but instead, God may be the very essence of divinity that lives within each of us if we choose to recognize it.

This very essence of divinity is a glorious energy that is boundless and eternal, peacefully everywhere and lovingly in every moment – it is the God-center that exists within each and every single one of us, if we choose to tap into it. Ever heard the popular phrase “All you need is within you”? This phrase certainly supports the definition I’m suggesting here.

My point here is to raise awareness that a single word can be so powerful as to cause harm or healing. Perhaps it’s time to think of some of the things you’ve been taught. Things you never questioned but only obliged because fear was instilled in your mind that if you didn’t do this or that, then something bad would happen.

When you believe in something long enough, it becomes your truth. You may not have even consciously chosen it to be your truth while you've allowed it to remain your truth, even when it hasn’t served you well. Perhaps it’s time to question these “truths” and redefine certain words and phrases in your life that have been burdensome to you.

You can begin a new chapter of your life today: coin new phrases that work for you, assign new meaning to words that have held you back from a happy, healthy life – a life filled with great relationships, love and abundance. After all, you are the words you use… so choose your words carefully and define them well, for your sake and the sake of the greater good.

If relationships affect your health, what kind of partner should you choose?

It’s no big secret that relationships affect your health. Whom you live with and whether you're single, married, divorced or widowed can offer clues to your health decades later (if not sooner).

Never mind the countless studies that have revealed this time and time again, take a look around – it’s pretty clear that people in unhealthy relationships experience more stress. And stress is associated with chronic health problems.

Moreover, each person’s body reacts differently to stress, thereby expressing different symptoms: muscle pain, weight gain, back pain, migraine, depression and so on. The severity of these symptoms will also depend on the overall condition of your health to begin with.

Even with the most compatible partner, conflicts and challenges in relationships will still exist. This is inevitable. It is life. But the point is that with the right partner, conflicts and challenges will occur much less, and when they do occur, they are not as “difficult” to deal with.

How the two of you work together to neutralize a conflict or overcome a challenge can be the very thing that makes or breaks your relationship. And how you are as a couple will eventually show through in your overall wellbeing.

Conflicts are common, they are even said to be necessary to keep things real, keep things balanced. They provide you an opportunity to learn and grow together and they’re meant to bring you even closer together when all is said and done. Well, this is the healthy version, anyway.

The unhealthy version would be not working together to resolve the issue, hanging on to grievances and by that, creating more pain. The unhealthy version is the “let’s just shove it under the mat for now” or “I don’t want to talk about it, case close” attitude.

This kind of attitude is like putting a band-aid over a wound just to cover it from view. The cut isn’t nurtured and therefore never really heals. It will resurface at another time over even the smallest issue. By then, the cut will feel deeper, hurt more and become harder to repair. And your overall wellbeing is somewhat compromised.

So how do you avoid all this pain, all these challenges?

Let’s just say: you can’t avoid them, but you can make the experience worthwhile. You start by making better choices with whom you have a relationship with. You can choose someone who adds to your life, not take away from it. So, how do you choose? Where do you start?

Many of you have shared your confusion when trying to clearly define what you’re looking for in a partner. Some of you say “I don’t yet know exactly what I want, but I know what I do not want.” Or, “I thought I knew what I wanted but now that I have it, it’s not what I thought it would be.”

Simply put: it’s not about being with a perfect person (because there is no such thing as a perfect person), but rather about being with the right person for you. Here are some guidelines you can follow that can help you make happier, healthier decisions.

In choosing the right partner, it’s not so much about the specific details of what they do and/or don’t do, but rather how your overall being feels when in a relationship with them. Overall, do you feel good inside?

What is this overall good feeling inside, you ask? Well, it is a number of things: it’s that sense of even when things aren’t right, you still feel peace in your heart that you’re together; they bring out the best in you; you feel you are a better person having them in your life; you love yourself even more when you’re with them. Something about them makes you want to do more good.

With all the challenges that a relationship can bring, it’s just more fulfilling to go through it with someone you’re most compatible with; perhaps someone who holds you up high and never looks down on you; someone who is ready to talk to you and not talk at you – or equally as unnurturing – not talk at all.

Even sad moments feel better just having them as your partner. When you’re faced with a challenging situation, no matter what conflicts you may have with one another, at the end of the day, you find a way to be on the same team, you want to have each other’s back. You agree on working and growing together.

Most people will tell you that a relationship is hard work – and this may be true. There is no short cut around the work. But what I can tell you is that the hard work does not feel like hard work when you’re with the right person. It can feel exciting, even effortless, and more rewarding.

Just knowing relationships can affect your health, wouldn’t it make sense to choose a relationship that predominantly makes you feel good inside – a relationship that promotes your wellbeing?

I can just hear some of you saying, “Yes! I like the sound of being with the right partner, but do they really exist?” The short answer: yes, they do exist, but you cannot recognize them for what they are if you don’t first start your search from within. In other words, in order to attract the partner you want, you must first “be” the kind of person you are looking for in a partner.

Even if currently you are already in a relationship, you can still introduce this idea. Regardless of how your partner chooses to act or react, you can consciously remain true to “being” the person you wish in a partner. Then, just observe the shift that will inevitably occur.

Spiritual teachers refer to this “conscious” non-judgemental behavior as being fully present in a relationship. And by “being conscious” and therefore present, you are then introducing light into the relationship:

“A door would have opened up for him/her through which he/she could easily join you in that space. If you are consistently or at least predominantly present in your relationship, this will be the greatest challenge for your partner. They will not be able to tolerate your presence for very long and stay unconscious.

“If they are ready, they will walk through the door that you opened for them, and join you in that state. If they are not, you will separate like oil and water. The light is too painful for someone who wants to remain in darkness.” — Eckhart Tolle, spiritual teacher and New York Times bestselling author of “The Power of Now.”


(Side note: If you have the belief that you don’t deserve the best relationship or that there’s no such thing as the right person for you, then you must have forgotten your birthright to completely love and be loved. Somehow along the way, you’ve adopted an unloving belief that is doing nothing for you but hurting your own chances for happiness. If this is the case, I suggest you revisit my article Could your “beliefs” be affecting the kind of relationship you truly deserve?)